It worked.

Now what?

The twelve steps?

O.k.

Yesterday was day two.
Morning shake?
S'all right.
Evening shake?
S'all right.
Lunch shake?
Garbage.
Blended garbage.


Maybe not garbage.

Maybe more like yard work...all blended together.

I choked it down the first day.
The second day, my brain refused.
It said things like,
"You cannot put cucumber and pineapple together!"
 "This tastes like wet lawn clippings and pineapple!"
 "You have to eat this with a spoon! It's too thick!! THIRTY TWO OUNCES!?! You'll never get this all down!"

Alarm bells were going off.
Horns honking.
People running around inside my head, screaming.

I'd throw it back, check how many ounces I was down.
No visible progress.
Half an hour later, I had about half of it left.
16 ounces...
15 ounces...
"I'm not going to keep doing this!!" my brain screamed.
13 ounces...
"THAT'S IT! STOP or you'll puke!

Fine. I'll stop.
But we won't quit.

I went to the kitchen and did this...
 

 Ate forkfuls of that.

   Tried the strained juice. Still too much texture, so I did this...

   Then I did this...

I got it down.
Just....separately.

Today I will blend my pineapple by itself and drink it.
Then I will take my cucumbers, celery, lime, and various other things, blend them and chug them. 

I hope it works.

 My husband got a life insurance exam, and wasn't pleased with his results. In fact, he was worried. He called his mom with his numbers (she's a nurse that specializes in diabetes education), and she suggested he try "The Blood Sugar Solution" six week program. Which starts with a 3-day detox .  We started out this morning with green tea. Blech. Nastiness with lemon and stevia.  After having a cup full of that, I can't say I'm looking forward to drinking all my meals for the next three days. I can say I am looking forward to ingesting "super fat" (coconut oil), though. Suuuper Faaat!

 

It's like eating super powers. 

In fact, I just might make myself a "Super Fat" t-shirt. 

Wait, no I shouldn't. People might read it wrong.

 I'd walk down the road wearing that shirt and they'd be all like, "Super Fat? Well, that's obvious". 

Whatever, people.

Whatever. 

I've found the answer.

I know why fat people wear sequins, and patterns.
Well, most fat people.
I just wear black, and other dark colors. 
Fat people wear them to distract people.
"Look! Look at the shiny things! You see no fat! You see patterns! You see sequin snowmen!"
Yes, really.
I bought one myself.
It works like magic.
Or so I tell myself.  
See?

Let's try this again.
I don't even know if I can work blogger anymore.
Guess I'll just work on myself instead.

Why did this company go out of business?

I could use a tapeworm or two about now.

No competition.

I HATE, DETEST, and LOATHE competition.
When I started losing weight last time, I swear it jogged everyone's memory, and they remembered that they needed to lose weight too!
Then it became a not so subtle competition.
SO ANNOYING.
If you want to lose weight, do it.
I couldn't care less if you do.
Just don't compete against me.
Because I'll stop.
You go with your winning self.
I'm going to stop right here and wait until you are gone.
I did it before, and I'll do it again.
When you're not looking.

I really should

weigh in.
Yes, I should.











Lately, instead of tossing my cookies, I've been keeping them...and eating them.
I can't figure out why my train derailed, and why I don't want to get back on the train, but I need to.
I feel like the train has already left, and I need to run and catch up, but I hate running.
*sigh*
stay tuned.

The blog is aliiiive, with the sound of weight loss.

So I gave up for a month.
My motto has always been, "If I can't do it well, I won't do it at all".
I know, I know.
But I sucked it up, and went back this morning.
I've lost 10.5 lbs in that month.
I didn't totally give up.
I just gave up the going in and stepping on the scale for strangers part.

Oh sister, you know me so well.

I got my period today.
It was really heavy.
So heavy in fact, in the past two weeks leading up to it, I've gained 3.4 pounds.
That is all.












Show's over people.

.5

Losing weight is hard.

Maybe I should try losing hair or losing library books or something.
Those would be a lot easier.


P.S. Jen? I can't leave comments on your blog :(
See my other blog for an explanation.

No excuses.

So last week I lost .4 lbs and thought, "I stink at losing weight".
I didn't post it, because it was disappointing.
This week I gained 1.2 lbs and thought, "I really stink at losing weight".
I posted it.
I don't know why.

So today...

We did our two mile walk, and 13 minutes of the Bollywood workout.
Oh yes, that's right, we did 4 minutes more than we did the last time.
But I didn't stop there.
Oh no.
I did an additional four hours of weeding.
My hip hurts like an 80 year old.
I'm not even 40 yet.
I'm hoping to make it to 30 pounds by Saturday.
I hate it when people say, "Wish me luck!", because it's kind of bossy.
What if they don't want to wish you luck?
What if they're too busy?
So, how about if I say...
I wish me luck!
Because I need it.

S'mores, Hot Dogs, and Cheetos, OH MY!

As you may know, I recently spent four lovely days in Texas hill country with my friend.
Eating, tubing down the river, eating, talking, tubing, talking, eating, etc.
(In my defense, I did make some good food choices.)










So this morning, as I walked up to the Weight Watchers door this morning, I thought to myself,
"I should have a panic attack and run to my car!"
But I wasn't sure how to have a panic attack, so I opened the door and went in.
She weighed me and said,
"o.k."
I wondered what I should say.
Should I confess right there?
Should I justify my weight gain?
"You lost 1.6 pounds, good job."
"WHA?"
"You've done really good so far."
"WHA?"
I lost.
Oh yes, I did.
Methinks I should go to Texas every week.
Sounds like a good weight loss plan to me.

There's so few of you,

I should just text you with the number every week.
Then I wouldn't have to blog about such an insignificant weight loss number.
.4
I'm pretty sure I gained the week before last, after my beach adventure.
Because I exercised to the point of running this week.
Seriously.
At least I didn't gain, right?
Right?

Sooo...

We went to do the 2 mile walk this morning (on demand)
Wait, what?
How much did I lose?
Er...um...
I haven't weighed in yet.
Anyhooo...
I tried to get my two mile walk on, and it wasn't there!
Helloooo, Comcast?
Why are you messing with my walk?
I even have a guest in my home every morning doing it with me, and on the second day she comes over, annnnd...
nothing.
Just a "family walk".
I would just like to say that "family walking" is faster than a plain two mile walk.
Not only that, but it cuts off the last 10 minutes.
What did we do after our mile and a half?
We did this...



Yes, about 9 minutes of that, to be exact.
I have no idea how they "screw in light-bulbs" for 10 minutes at a time, while simultaneously gliding across the floor.
I bet you wish you could have seen that.
Yeah, no one is allowed to ever see that.
Don't even try peeking in the windows either.
They're draped in saris.

I'm chicken.

I'm thinking of skipping my weigh in this week.
First of all, I'm supposed to get my period next week.
Secondly, I was bad.
I might of went here...



















and rendezvoused with this...












and a little of this...










And, um...












and I'm not sure, but I think this was involved...













I don't know, I may have been in a dessert haze.
In fact, I know I was.
I better stay home tomorrow and recover from this.

"You have no idea what you can do until you try."
-Jillian Michaels

Ta Dah!

I weighed in today (one day early).
I lost 2.4 lbs today.
Yes, that means I not only made it to 25 lbs, I went beyond that and have lost a total of 26.2 lbs.
I think I'll celebrate with a nice, big cake.
Just kidding.